Surrendering

A friend, by definition, is a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
A true friend is a step beyond, further, deeper...
Someone who considers the other before themselves.
They have a dependability in the sincerest implication.
Allegiance: a dedication or obligation to someone else is a high priority.
True friends hold intergrity, devotion, and ardor.
It takes time to reach this level, this bond, with another person.
To have the assurance and reliance that the other will always be there takes that special bond.
I have a true friend, a sincere attachment.
How was I so lucky to find a pure, trustworthy individual?
Our bond is natural, unquestionable.
It gives a confidence to endure relationships.
There is an optimism that makes the bond stronger.
Forever is what I strive for in the friendship.
It's not always perfect, nothing ever is, but it's genuine and desirable.
All it took was letting down our guard and surrendering...

And another poem that I wrote while at work. This is about two of my very best friends and how much they mean to me. <3

Darkness

Stormy, opaque, despair
The foreboding night enshrouds me
Ominous, morose, desparate
I feel it: the nefarious, sinister cloak
The evenings are bleak and dismal
It's the seclusion; the secrecy adds a morbid mystery
A heightened sense of trepidation
Nightmares, illusions, hallucinations
Why does the darkness torment me so?

Just a little poem I wrote while I was bored at work. :)

The first choice of mine :)

SO I FINALLY GOT THE TATTOO THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED, AND MY NIFTY NOSE RING. IT IS SO GREAT, EVEN THOUGH I AM AWARE THAT NOT EVERYONE IS GOING TO BE EXCITED OR ENJOY IT LIKE I DO. THIS IS THE FIRST THING THAT I HAVE TRULY BOUGHT FOR MYSELF IN THE CATEGORIES OF THINGS THAT "BRITTNEY WANTS". I HAVE SET THESE THINGS AWAY AND APART TO ASSIST MY FAMILY BUT THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME, AND BELIEVE ME I WAS GETTING WORRIED, WHERE I WAS ALLOWED TO DO THIS ON MY OWN- AS A CHOICE OF MINE. AND I AM HAPPY WITH IT. YAY!

Oh my how adulthood has come

I just hit my twenties as of the 9th of July, and it has surprised me how grown up I feel. For the first time in  my life I have an "adult" job working for Macy's where you have to dress business casual and think like a grown up. I started making lists....me- making LISTS! I never thought it possible....neither did my mother I think :p But I have. I have made my first budget- even thoough it will need to be fixed and acclimated to the new jobs. I have thought and pondered hard and deep about moving out and in with my best friend. I have written down all that we need, and everything that will be mine and everything that will be ours. It is a liberating experience, so satisfactory. I never imagined that being a grown up would be like this. Because we all know what it is like to be a child and think about growing up. In all honesty, it is nothing compared to being thrown into the real world-- and to be honest I haven't even fully emerged into everything the adult world has to offer. For the first time in my life I feel, not yet fulfilled, but intrigued and ready to step foot into the unknown. I have the faith and mercy of a wonderful God whom is watching over me. I have parents, especially a mother who so dearly wants me to fulfill my dreams and the Will of the Almighty God we serve. I am trying my best to be steadfast and do things right for once. I have real, strong, and gracious adult friends who are close for the first time and I feel like they truly know me as myself. I have stepped out of my shell and out into the open, vulnerable. There are a lot of firsts for me these days. I have decided that I am trying my hardest to focus on my life and the things I need to get situated for the year ahead. I don't want to bulldoze my way out and fall flat on my face because I have overlooked important details. I want to cross every "T" and dot every "I" before I become fully independent. This is the time to make the wisest decisions and choices because everything counts now. I have realized that being impulsive doesn't get me what I want because of my impatience- and by this I am talking about relationships. Boys....there is a time when God will bring the right man into my life. The very man that He has designed specifically for me. The very man I am going to marry, I have finally decided, and from learning from my past mistakes, that going against my Maker just leads to heartache, because the only one who can give me what I am seeking is God. It will be in His timing and not mine. For the first time I have come to realize this. It has taken a few years to sink in and fully absorb, but not all is lost. I am no longer discouraged. I am enjoying the freedom and singleness. And I NEVER EVER thought I would be saying this. But here I am. Ready and rearing to seek God's Word and live by His rules and Will. And no longer my own. This will get me where God wants me to go. This will lead me to peace and for the first time in my life, I will be successful in all things. How great is our God? He is amazing. Trust in Him and you can do anything. Amen.

Finally Free!

So last night my mom finally decided to help me get free of the prison cell that's been holding my teeth hostage! Yes, my braces are off baby! I am free and clear...techinically I still need them to drill the glue off and fill a couple cavities and file my teeth down so they are nice and pretty but ahh! It feels amazing. Honestly that was something that was holding me back self esteem wise. I mean it made me look like a child and feel childish.So hallelujah for them just being off. Now step by step I will be able to get the tattoos and piercings that I want and maybe I will find that "lucky" guy out there somewhere and will be able to approach him with the utmost confidence. :))) I had to add that to my blog real quick, just as a side note. Woot woot!

Happiness and Joy for the Timebeing

Wow I haven't posted somethng in a while so I thought I would type this up quickly while the little boy I am watching naps. :) So I have been thinking lately about what's going on in my life... and to be honest, not a lot has occured. Aside from the babysitting and childcare, which you know it brings in money so it's all good in the long run, I have just been at home. And that's fine the majority of the time. Except that lately my best friend and I have come to the conclusion that we are ready to move out and our goal is this year. I've been praying that God will help us get the things done to be able to do that. It's not that I don't like living at home, because I'm a homebody, but really I just feel it's time to be able to grow up and start making those adult decisions for myself. To be paying monthly bills (woo hoo you know?), keeping track of my finaces, having my own space that I take care of, my own car to be able to drive and take whenever I need it or want to go out, not have to let the parentals know exactly where you will be and for how long... I'm starting to be totally ready for that change in my life. But obviously I have a couple variables to consider. I need to get the car, which hopefully will be happening either this next month or the month after.. fingers crossed, and I need to get another part time job. I am also considering an idea my mother brought up about taking a three year college and just getting into a career right away from that. Like computer engineering--which is the one she suggested. It was interesting to think about because she says that I have a similar brain to my aunt who did exactly this tactic to get into her career. I like computers I type fast, I mean it's worth looking into. But also the mother of the boy I baby sat today was talking to me and I told her some of the things about myself and she suggested a couple more things that I could possibly take into consideration as maybe back ups--art therapy (that sounds totally cool, I think I am good at counselling and art... that's like all that is in a nutshell) or an art teacher at the YMCA or other various groups (which I wouldn't have to have the full degree, etc.) When I was talking to her she brought up something that I technically had known.. but I hadn't really come to think about or bring it to the light. I dislike school... a lot. Probably why I am not in it at the moment. Funny thing is that I am good at it. Sigh. Well.... these are just some things that have been on my mind lately. Sorry for making this so long. I go forever without typing and then I make it one big post. :)

Two and a Half Years of Singleness

So does being single ever get old? I mean really. Being alone when most of your friends or the people around you are spending their every waking minute with their 'special someone'? It sucks honestly. I can't believe that it has been this long. I haven't been on a date in over two years. My longest relationship, was four months. *Sarcastic "woo"* I was on FB (facebook) the other day and I read a little status quote from a girl I went to high school with saying that she was celebrating her two year anniversary with her 'amazing man' and I couldn't help feeling jealous. I know it's wrong to feel this way, and you know she's happy. So it's great for her and all. But it brings me back to the fact that I have no special someone. I don't have a Mr. Right yet. I am laughing at myself as I rant this off in typing. I guess it sounded better in my head... but it is true. It gets lonely being single for long periods of time. And all I can do is try, TRY, to be patient--which takes loads of prayer to actually pull of in any aspect, to be happy with how life is right now. And in almost every other area, I am happy... almost content. There is always that hole, that sinking feeling though, especially when holidays roll around; such as Valentine's Day which was celebrated this month... That day is boring when you don't have anyone to share it with. I know that I am not the only person in the world with this problem, never thought I would be. But truthfully, I had not expected to be where I am today--not like this. It's funny how God lets things pan out the way they do. I just proves that when you have faith and trust in Him, you grow. And when you grow in Him, He allows you to see His Will for you. I have faith that when the time is right, God will bring my future husband into my life, or bring him to my attention if I already know the guy. I just have the inward struggle with getting myself out of my own way so that I can have eyes that see and ears that hear. I guess that is another goal I have for myself. Listen to God's Word and he will bless me, as I have blessed Him with my actions and words. It takes time, and it's not like I am old or anything. I have 'all the time in the world', some people have told me. Which is true in some ways. I do have time. I am just ready, only emotionally, for the boyfriend which leads to fiance then husband... I wish I was there physically and had my act together. Then again, that's what I'm working on anyway.