Two and a Half Years of Singleness

So does being single ever get old? I mean really. Being alone when most of your friends or the people around you are spending their every waking minute with their 'special someone'? It sucks honestly. I can't believe that it has been this long. I haven't been on a date in over two years. My longest relationship, was four months. *Sarcastic "woo"* I was on FB (facebook) the other day and I read a little status quote from a girl I went to high school with saying that she was celebrating her two year anniversary with her 'amazing man' and I couldn't help feeling jealous. I know it's wrong to feel this way, and you know she's happy. So it's great for her and all. But it brings me back to the fact that I have no special someone. I don't have a Mr. Right yet. I am laughing at myself as I rant this off in typing. I guess it sounded better in my head... but it is true. It gets lonely being single for long periods of time. And all I can do is try, TRY, to be patient--which takes loads of prayer to actually pull of in any aspect, to be happy with how life is right now. And in almost every other area, I am happy... almost content. There is always that hole, that sinking feeling though, especially when holidays roll around; such as Valentine's Day which was celebrated this month... That day is boring when you don't have anyone to share it with. I know that I am not the only person in the world with this problem, never thought I would be. But truthfully, I had not expected to be where I am today--not like this. It's funny how God lets things pan out the way they do. I just proves that when you have faith and trust in Him, you grow. And when you grow in Him, He allows you to see His Will for you. I have faith that when the time is right, God will bring my future husband into my life, or bring him to my attention if I already know the guy. I just have the inward struggle with getting myself out of my own way so that I can have eyes that see and ears that hear. I guess that is another goal I have for myself. Listen to God's Word and he will bless me, as I have blessed Him with my actions and words. It takes time, and it's not like I am old or anything. I have 'all the time in the world', some people have told me. Which is true in some ways. I do have time. I am just ready, only emotionally, for the boyfriend which leads to fiance then husband... I wish I was there physically and had my act together. Then again, that's what I'm working on anyway.

Hmm... Ponderings

Well, I have had a whole week of working with little kids... still one more day to go. It is a tiring but very fulfilling task. I would call it a job, but to me it's not. I love watching these children blossom. Some of these kids I've watched since they were babies and now some of them are 5 or 6 years old, and there are a few that are older. I honestly can't believe how time flies. Even in the other areas of my life. I am blown away that I will be hitting 20 this year in July... Not that it is a big birthday but it's getting up there. I mean, here I am, an adult. It feels like just yesterday I was getting up and going to class everyday in junior high and high school. But I am glad that I'm past those years. They had their good times, as well as bad. I think it's still funny that people say that once you graduate you'll miss high school. Boy, are they wrong! I may miss the carelessness of the time, being young and not having to deal with as much responsibility, but I don't miss the drama. Friends wanting to be popular, stupid boys that break your heart because they won't grow up... I'm so over high school. I'm honestly so ready to be an adult, little by little. I may be getting a full time job and I hope that I will be able to save up. I have a long.... very long, list of things that I need to get. My braces NEED to come off, I need my own car, I want (this is just for me) more piercings and to get my tattoos--which are way down on the list, I want to save up so that I can get an apartment hopefully with a good friend of mine and I can start the serious independence. Maybe then after I get some of my ducks in a row, I will be satisfied with myself and I can start dating again... that one is a story for another blog. I'm working on checking things off the list as we speak... Come on tax return. :)

Well I'm back again...

I stopped doing this for awhile, I hadn't really had the time to keep up with it. But at the moment I've been in the mood to write. I don't have a journal anymore... Not for paper. And my friend created her blog awhile back. I thought why not? I can easily follow her blog now and vice versa. Not that we don't speak to each other every day. This is just another great way. This is a good release mechanism for stress.. Kind of like a therapy. I have writing as well as drawing, though I haven't been very inspired to draw lately... It's kind of depressed me. But oh well. I know that inspiration will come with time.

Now I guess I can really blog about something... Lol more important.

*****

Ever wonder why things have to change? God always has a way planned for us to grow.. A few days ago, I had one of those moments. I realized that times are changing, as we grow up. Adulthood is still very new... and sometimes you can get stuck in the comfort of childhood. But sometimes you just need that push forward to move on.. to move ahead in your life. It doesn't mean that everything will suddenly disappear and the whole world will explode. It just means that you're actually growing, expanding. There are new things to be experienced. Friendships grow and shift over time, especially once you reach that period of adulthood, but it doesn't mean that it goes away. You will still have that relationship--that friendship that you always had, and really what you find as you pursue it, that it gets stronger. The bond cannot be broken so easily. I had my faith falter in that respect a few weeks ago. I look back to it now, it sounds ridiculous. But actually with it happening.. I learned that what I was afraid of losing, wouldn't change no matter what. I realized it fully. God works in mysterious ways, if He hadn't led me through that trial I would still hold that fear in me.

So even now as I stand by the friend with which this trail occured, I know that we stand strong. Which is amazing to me. I couldn't ask for a better friend. She is my sister, as well as a friend. I believe in her. And I'd be there through thick and thin. I know she already knows these things, but sometimes its just nice to have that assurance. It's not always there. I've lived through some of them. Thankfully I have God to fall back on, and he gives me the strength to forge forward in these areas. I'm so grateful for that. I guess that's really why I continued this blog... As life changes, which I know eventually it will get to that point where we will be married and have kids. And things won't be the same, but I have faith that our friendship will stand through the trails we go through everyday and we'll make it to the other side. And we can keep in touch, even if it's not everyday. I know this is talking about the future... and who knows, maybe things will stay closer to how they are now. I don't know. But I know God does. Either way, here we are in present day 2010, just living our lives. And we'll always be there for one another. No matter what happens :)

This is just something I had to get off my chest. The person it's written about will know who she is. I'm thankful to have her in my life. <3